How My Nervous System Was Hijacked
Have you ever felt intense pressure over something that should have been simple? Maybe you froze up when asked to speak in a meeting or felt paralyzed when trying to make a decision. I know that feeling all too well.
I want to share a personal story from my past that opened my eyes to how deeply ingrained fear and trauma responses can be. It’s about a seemingly insignificant moment: opening a gate. But in reality, it revealed how my nervous system had been hijacked by years of criticism and judgment. Through this experience, I realized that fear of making mistakes wasn’t just about being cautious, it was about survival.
If you’ve ever struggled with fear of failure, social anxiety, or feeling like you’re constantly being judged, this story is for you. More importantly, I’ll share the key lessons I’ve learned to rewire my thinking and regain control of my life.
The Memory That Exposed My Deepest Fear
It was 2007. I was 23 years old and on vacation in Europe with my dad. We had just finished visiting my aunt and were heading to our house, a property my dad had purchased across from my uncle and aunt’s home.
As we pulled up to the front gate, my dad stayed in the car while I got out to open it. The gate was secured with a simple piece of metal wire. Nothing complicated, just a basic twist-lock. But the moment I stepped out of the car, I felt something shift inside me.
I noticed my aunt was still standing by her house, looking in our direction. Suddenly, my chest tightened, my breath became shallow, and my thoughts started racing. I imagined her watching me, shaking her head, thinking: “Look at him. He doesn’t even know how to open a gate”.
My hands trembled as I struggled to untwist the wire. I knew there had to be an easier way, but under the immense pressure I felt, my brain simply shut down. I couldn’t think clearly. Instead of analyzing the situation calmly, I grabbed the wire with all my strength and forced it open. It worked, but I knew I had chosen the hardest way possible.
Later, my dad made a casual comment to someone, saying I had made the task unnecessarily difficult. He wasn’t even being harsh, but by that time, I had already conditioned myself to fear any form of criticism. Even without direct teasing, the experience left a lasting imprint.
Why was I so afraid of a simple mistake? Why did I feel like I was being watched and judged so harshly?
The Realization: My Nervous System Had Been Hijacked
Looking back, I understand that this wasn’t about the gate at all. My body was reacting to years of conditioning. Growing up, my dad constantly criticized and undermined me. Every mistake felt like a landmine, something that could trigger punishment or humiliation. I learned that being uncertain or taking too long to act was dangerous, so I developed a survival mechanism: act fast, don’t show weakness, and avoid criticism at all costs.
What I experienced at that gate was a trauma response—specifically, a freeze response. When we experience prolonged stress or trauma, our nervous system learns to react as if danger is always present. My body wasn’t responding to the gate; it was responding to years of feeling unsafe.
My nervous system had been hijacked.
I wasn’t just opening a gate—I was fighting against an invisible force that had been ingrained in me since childhood.
Breaking Free from Fear: The Missing Factor
What I needed in that moment wasn’t more pressure or self-criticism. It was self-compassion and a sense of safety. If I could go back and change the ending of that memory, I would introduce a future version of myself, someone who could guide me through the fear and rewire my response.
I imagine my future self, stepping up beside me, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and saying:
“Tomek, take a deep breath. You are safe. This fear you feel isn’t about the gate. It’s the conditioning from your past. But guess what? You don’t have to live by those rules anymore. You are strong, capable, and worthy even if you make mistakes.”
If I had heard those words at the time, I would have felt calm. I would have slowed down, assessed the situation rationally, and simply untwisted the wire with ease. That experience wouldn’t have reinforced fear. It would have taught me that mistakes are just part of life, not a sign of my worth.
Key Lessons for Rewiring the Mind
If you relate to my story, here are some strategies I’ve used to overcome this deeply ingrained fear:
- Recognize the Pattern
Start noticing when your body reacts with anxiety, shame, or pressure in everyday situations. Ask yourself: Am I responding to the present moment or a past fear? - Create a New Inner Dialogue
When you feel pressure creeping in, consciously remind yourself: I am safe. I am allowed to take my time. I am worthy, even if I make mistakes. - Practice Nervous System Regulation
Deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises help signal to your brain that there is no immediate threat. This helps you stay present instead of reacting from old fears. - Reframe Mistakes as Growth
Instead of seeing mistakes as proof of inadequacy, view them as learning opportunities. The highest achievers in the world didn’t get there by being perfect – they got there by making mistakes and learning from them. - Use Visualization to Rewire Your Response
Just like I imagined my future self, helping me through that memory. You can create new endings for past experiences. When you rewrite the narrative, your brain starts adopting a healthier response in real life.
Final Thoughts: Taking Back Control
For years, I lived under the weight of perfectionism and fear. I let my past dictate how I approached everyday challenges, interactions, and even relationships. But the truth is, we don’t have to be prisoners of our conditioning.
By understanding how my nervous system was hijacked, I’ve started the journey of rewiring my mind. I now know that making mistakes doesn’t mean I’m unworthy. It means I’m human. And as I continue to challenge these old fears, I’m reclaiming the confidence and freedom that was always mine to begin with.
If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by the fear of judgment or failure, I hope my story helps you see that change is possible. You are not broken. You are not your past. And most importantly: you are worthy, no matter what.
